Love Worn Postcard
by Dilana Sampson
Summary: There was never anything holding them back. They could have been together if they'd only taken a chance. But they waited too long and life got in the way. Now, they have a chance to finally fix it and be together. Will it work out or will they share nothing more than a stack of tear soaked, love worn postcards?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Twilight characters…I'm not that brilliant. This is just me playing with someone else's creations.**

_**Prologue**_

There are a few things to be said for living in a small town in the middle of one of the rainiest places ever.

Everybody knows everybody.

With a population of less than five thousand, our rumor mill never has much to work with. But when it does, it gets around faster than the speed of light. It's uncommon for a kid to sneak out of school to hit the beach on one of the rare sunny days and not get caught. Sure no one may come looking for you, but you just know when you get home there will be hell to pay. It is precisely that which brings me to my next point.

It is the dream of everyone you know, besides the people with children or those who only aspire to live here and have beaucoup babies, to get the hell out of this town.

I know it's the quintessential cliché of the ages that a small town kid should want to one day leave the godforsaken hell hole they were unfortunate enough to be stuck in. I mean, don't get me wrong. Some people live for the slow paced lifestyle. However, the rest of us would just as soon watch paint dry. If you're cool with the only form of shopping being a run-down strip of old Main Street that now housed a bargain mart and a five and dime then be my guest.

Despite all the bad that you can pull from the mundane, it is inevitable that you will realize you were blessed with the opportunity few children elsewhere get anymore. The chance to actually be a kid.

In small towns, kids are still seen running around and playing outside. Teenagers actually do still go to the movies and hang out in diners when they tire of the occasional house party or camping out on a friends couch all day during the summer. People don't fear for their kid's safety at every turn because they have eyes and ears everywhere. There has never been a place, more so than in a small town, that the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child" been more aptly applied.

I grew up in one such town. At the age of eighteen, I was aware of my surroundings and what I was giving up. But, my dream was one of far greater importance than clinging to the safety and security of home. I'd already accomplished the hardest part. I graduated high school alongside my friends with fairly decent marks. That day seemed to go on forever, but it wasn't until the one that followed that the realization that our childhoods were over finally hit us.

I was preparing to enjoy my summer and my best friend was packing to leave for a summer in New York with her cousin Tanya before heading off to Dartmouth in the fall. It wasn't long after Rosalie departed, that I shared my tearful goodbye to Edward, Emmett, and Jasper who took off to the South and the famed SEC the first chance they got. But that solemn day was a whole month ago and now it was my turn to fly the coop. Tomorrow, I would be leaving and it would be the most exciting and frightening thing I'd ever done. Partially because I was in essence moving half way across the country, but also because I was leaving behind the only girl I'd ever loved. Looking over at her as she jumped from the sounds of the telephone as it rang; I chuckled and swallowed the lump that was threatening to lodge itself in my throat. I took a message for her dad to call Carlisle back and returned to the living room only to find Bella hiding behind the blanket she was wrapped in.

"I think we've had enough Freddy for one night, huh?" I said, removing the DVD from the player.

"Allie! I was watching that!"

"Righttttt because I'm sure the view was spectacular through the covers."

"Okay, so I was scared. But you know his face creeps me out. I can't even volunteer at the burn center because of this!"

"Yeah I know."

And for a moment, we sat there in silence. Neither one of us really had the energy to make it until the end of the movie, but we were both hesitant to call it a night.

"Let's watch a Disney movie."

"Bella, it's getting late and my dad will kill me if I miss curfew."

"Don't care. This is my last night with my best friend and I want to stay up with you."

It was hard to argue with her in general but when she pulled out the pout I had to find it in myself not to lose my cool. I felt sorry that I was causing her this much pain but I had to go. Things at home were never the best when others weren't around and this was my chance to get out and make something of my life that I could be proud of. This was my chance to be more than just Alice. I had to take it.

But it also meant that things would change for us. Unlike Rosalie and Jasper or Edward and Emmett, Bella and I didn't have parents to fall back on. So we worked our asses off, and I was able to score a spot at Parsons in New York to finally start on my dream of becoming a fashion icon. But Bella wasn't so lucky. Her grades were impeccable but she still couldn't afford to go to her dream school even after all the scholarships. Things only got worse when Charlie got hurt on the job and the little money that could have helped, went into bills and rehabilitation efforts.

It crushed Bella and she lost her will to do anything for a while after that. But being stubborn and proud, she refused to take handouts or loans. Instead, she resolved that she would take some time off to save up money while looking into other schools. UCLA would always be her dream but she needed more than they were willing to or able to give. In a way, I respected her decision.

She had been the only other one who truly understood what it meant to not be wealthy. Sure, the others were sympathetic to our issues, but they never really grasped what it meant and how it changed our perspective on things. We weren't homeless but there had been plenty of occasions where our refrigerators ran out before the month did or we fell asleep in class because we had to pull dinner shift at the diner to have spending money, only to have homework waiting at our houses. It wasn't exactly the kind of thing our friends were used to.

Now, I wouldn't have that connection with her because no matter how unfair it was that I had to scrape for my savings, I didn't have to put my dreams on hold. I no longer understood what it was like to be her. I was now one of them.

I was broken out of my reverie as Bella burrowed into my side, cuddling into the space created as my arm rested on the back of the couch. A part of me wanted to wrap my arm around her and offer her these last few moments of comfort. But, I didn't because I knew that the worse thing I could do would be to tell the lost girl sitting next to me that I was in love with her. I mean, what kind of heartless person gives someone that kind of hope only to leave them? I wasn't under the illusion that I would never see her again. It simply wasn't possible. But, it was highly unlikely that anything between us would survive what was about to take place.

Selfishly, I leaned in closer and reveled in the closeness until deep, even breathing was the only sound that could be heard. Checking my phone, I noticed that it was nearly two in the morning. Laying her head on a couch pillow I turned off the table lamp and left after locking the door. I sat in my old beat up car for a moment dazed as I made the choice to leave my love behind. Sending her a quick text, I locked my phone and headed towards my family's house. By the time she woke up the next morning, I'd already be gone.

Away from the small town called Forks and away from my love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi you guys!**

**Thanks for the awesome feedback on the last chapter! I really hadn't expected any. Here's the next part. Another will be out either tonight or early morning tomorrow. It took so long I had to make amends for leaving you hanging. Sorry about that…there are renovations happening all around me so everything is a little hectic and I was displaced for a while. I hope you enjoy it!**

**-Dilana**

_**Remember Me**_

Ten Years Later…

_**Alice**_

I sat in my desk twiddling my thumbs, observing the dress form perched in a corner of my office. Its clothing never changed. In fact, it was one of the few things in my life that remained the same. Upon the dress form was a simple dress and jacket combo. It was the same ensemble that put my name on the map and made me somewhat of an overnight success, not that I was complaining. Tasteful, elegant, and tailored it spoke to my love of old world charm and sophistication.

Along the walls were newspaper clipping and magazine tidbits in which I had been the highlight. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be running a fashion design house and a highly praised fashion line with my name embossed on the tag. It's one thing to dream. But it's another thing to watch it happen, even when you wake up to the reality every day. Parsons was certainly proud and I returned from time to time for seminars or to guest lecture. Despite feeling as if I could never get enough sleep, I'd done it. I finally had my dream career.

I was startled as my phone rang, but smiled when I saw the face on my screen.

"Hey Edward!"

"Hey Allie. How's New York?"

"The city is just as busy and wonderful as always. What's up?"

"Nothing, I was just calling to confirm that you are actually coming on Thursday."

"Yep. I'll be there bright and early."

"Great, because if the rest of us have to suffer through being in Forks for five days then so do you."

"I don't understand why you're not happy. It's the holidays. You know, great love stories, family togetherness, and all that other Hallmark crap."

"Yeah well other people aren't separated from their love ones by an ocean or have a toddler to raise. I think I've earned the right to be a little put out."

"Speaking of, how is Leah?"

"She was fine when we spoke on Saturday. She misses us all, even you."

"Oh haha. I miss her too. Her tour won't be too much longer though. Then, you guys can all come party in the city with me. I will never understand the military life. Who volunteers to sweat like that?"

"See, it's those comments that make you seem snobby. Leave my wife alone. She's not afraid to get dirty."

"Oh, I bet she isn't! I'm not snobby. But, if I'm going to wear something on the cutting edge of fashion, I'd rather not worry about yellowing pit stains or smelling like a barrel of onions..duh Edward!"

"You're a rare one, Alice Brandon. Gianna's awake; I have to go or she'll be a holy terror. I'll see you on Thursday?"

"Yep yep. Kiss the little princess for me. Tell her Aunt Allie will see her soon. Take care of yourself Ed."

"Bye Alice."

"Love ya!"

I replaced the phone on its cradle and grabbed a bottle of water from my mini fridge. Throwing open the doors of my office, I went off the check on the seamstresses and the rest of my workers. If I was going to be gone for two weeks there was no way I was leaving here without at least a month's work done. I could not afford to fall behind and miss the deadline for fashion week. Style may be eternal but in the world of fashion, one needed to remain relevant to be iconic, and if you weren't iconic…who were you really?

Thursday came and I walked through SeaTac to find my friends all awaiting me at the gate. What a lovely reception it was! Rosalie, who had become a great accountant/financial advisor and, as such, oversaw most financial aspects for my company, was encapsulated by my big behemoth of a friend, Emmett. He winded up with a lucrative career in professional football, but an injury called it quits and he was now an attorney at a firm in Hanover. Jasper, our resident historian, was holding hands with his girlfriend Maria. But my primary focus was on the green eyed little munchkin perched in her daddy's arms. Edward looked overwhelmed, but completely content to stand there holding her all day.

"Gianna! Oh how I have missed you! Look how big you've gotten!" I said tickling her sides as she squirmed and giggled.

"Allie! Top! Top Allie, top!"

"So what about the rest of us? What are we? Chopped liver?" Rose teased, rolling her eyes at my antics.

"Always the drama queen. She's a toddler. Look at those cheeks. How can you resist the adorableness?"

"It's adorable when it's not waking you up at five in the morning for grapes." Emmett whined and I couldn't help but laugh. I suspected his issue was more with the lack of sleep more so than the early wake up call. Emmett loved getting up early with Gianna whenever they were together. They'd spend hours watching cartoon reruns on Boomerang, like two big kids.

"She's a baby. Get over it. Tell Rose to let you sleep and there wouldn't be a problem. You'll be home Monday and you'll miss this little cutie!" I just couldn't resist kissing her adorably chubby cheeks any longer. I appreciated the distraction but it was never far from my mind how much had really changed.

No matter how many times we'd done this, I was still very much aware that Bella was missing as she had been for years now. Every time I came home I'd make the effort to reach out and spend time with her. Each time, Bella would agree to meet up with me only to cancel later. No one else saw her much either. She didn't hang around with our families and outside of the occasional hello when she was in town, we still didn't talk to each other. Even that didn't stop me from constantly looking for her. Deep down, it killed me that we had fallen apart without really meaning to. We had grown away from one another just like everyone said we would. It was supposedly one of those things that just happened at that point in our lives. But that didn't mean it hurt any less.

In the beginning it was the time zones and conflicting schedules that relegated us to messages on each other's voicemail. Then that turned into the occasional awkward visits. We'd come home from school for breaks and she'd be pulling doubles at the diner. Eventually, we stopped talking altogether, with little more between us than memories and the customary Christmas card every year. Nothing like what we were used to.

The ride from Seattle to Forks was filled with laughs and charming little anecdotes about my friends and their daily lives, while I remained quiet only commenting when asked directly and laughing every so often to veil my disinterest. Arriving at the rundown white house that I used to call home, I unlocked the front door to be greeted by the smell of alcohol and I was instantly grateful that I thought to pack cleaning clothes. Taking my luggage from the boys, I made promises to call if I needed them before walking them to the car.

After a tearful goodbye with Gianna, I went back inside as rain began to pour down. The chill of winter was heavy in the air and for a moment I wondered if it would snow. In the living room, I met an all too familiar sight. My father, passed out in a recliner sleeping off his drunken stupor while the house lay in disarray around him. A glance at the clock told me it was just after one in the afternoon. So, without much time to pause, I went upstairs to my room and shed my more pricey clothing for the faded, stained, and holey clothes I had used many times before.

The next two hours were spent cleaning the house, scrubbing the dishes that had overrun my father's bedside table and the living room floor before I moved on to ensuring that the only smells that rent the air now were those of lemon floor polish and bleach cleaning spray. I was just starting on dinner when my younger sister came bounding through the door.

At seventeen, Cynthia looked a lot more like my twin now than our age difference gave away. She had grown beyond being the little girl who clung to my pants leg and begged me to take her everywhere I went. Now, she was practically a woman and I'd missed most of her childhood at least, in the conventional sense.

We'd skyped and I always made sure she had plenty of clothes to fill her closets. I handled the money for the groceries and bills. I even put money aside for her schooling. Just because I didn't live in the house, didn't mean I stopped caring about them. But, I still left her to deal with our father on her own and that was way too much of a burden. I'd never regret my decision to leave but she was one of the few people I wanted desperately to bring along.

"Cynthia."

"Alice. You're home?!"

"For now. I meant to call you but it slipped my mind."

"Yeah, I get it. You're busy or whatever. How long you here for?"

"Well, I was thinking that since you're on break I'd stay a few days."

"So you'll be here for Christmas?"

"Well, yeah, I was planning to."

"Okay."

"Soooo, how is everything?"

"Fine."

"And Thomas?"

"Fine."

I didn't miss the cringe at the mention of the man who was snoring up a storm in the next room, but I chose to ignore it. I had already decided that I was not going to try and talk to him like I'd done so many times before. I was just going to make this the best Christmas I could for my sister and in a few months after she graduated she could spend her holidays with me in New York. I contemplated asking her to go now, but it was her senior year and I wouldn't be the one to take her experience away from her. She deserved to be happy with her friends a little longer so I left it alone.

"Okay."

Neither of us could think of a thing to say. I didn't want to push and she wasn't sharing so instead we sat there, her working on her homework and me trying not to scorch the spaghetti sauce. I felt weird and out of place and I didn't like it. I was used to feeling happy with Cynthia but the Cynthia I remembered was not the young woman sitting in from of me. The Cynthia I knew was still that adorable idealistic, snaggle toothed little girl who'd sneak into my room at night because she was still afraid of the dark.

"You know, I'm glad you're back."

"Me too, Cyn. Me too."

_**Bella**_

The darkness had descended upon Forks long before I took my exit from the interstate. In the center of town, there was an almost luminous glow from the twinkle of the lights from the big Christmas tree and the lamp posts that line Main Street. I had called two weeks ago and let my dad know I was making the trip from Missouri. Every day since he'd been calling to make sure I was really coming. I wanted to be annoyed but I knew it was only because he missed having me around. However, I hadn't missed a Christmas since my third year of college when I got trapped in the airport. That was one Christmas I would never forget. I spent the entire day with a middle aged couple who argued like there was no tomorrow over the simplest of things. It was definitely enough entertainment to keep my mind off of the fact that I hadn't been home with my dad.

Letting the windows down, I took in the smell of snow and pine trees that I had become accustomed to. I drove straight down the Main Street and took a left at the tie dye painted fire hydrant that sat right outside the home of my former art teacher, Mrs. Gamble. Five houses and a giant inflatable snowman later, I pulled in behind my dad's cruiser. I left my bags in the car since I already had pajamas here from the last time I visited. Inside, the house was quiet and dark just like I knew it would be. Dad had gone to bed hours ago after calling me to say goodnight. I promised to let him take me to breakfast and that seemed to ease his guilt for not waiting up enough that he could sleep.

Going straight up to my room, I smiled at the linens awaiting me on the bed. Quickly making the bed, I slid off my shoes and jeans, replacing them with pajama pants. I was so tired I literally could have fallen asleep where I stood. Even though I had no desire to move, I forced myself to go brush my teeth and clean off the makeup that was now more than ready to be cleaned off. Sleep wasted no time finding me after I got into bed and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, I awoke slowly as I surveyed my surroundings before remembering that I was not at home and I was neither late for anything nor oversleeping. Content to just spend a moment in solitude, I laid in bed, rubbing my eyes and stretching to truly wake myself from what had to have been the most fitful sleep I'd had in quite some time. Other things usually took priority when I was home, but at Dad's I could always find the rest I was desperately in need of. Picking up my phone, I noticed that I had four missed calls. I ignored the calls, simply deciding to call them when my voice was no longer thick with sleep. I had lazed around enough for the day, and I knew my dad would be waiting so I reluctantly got up from the bed.

It wasn't long after that I made my way downstairs to see my dad, sitting on the couch, reading the morning paper and drinking his coffee.

"Morning Dad!" I said sitting next to him, playfully bumping my shoulder against his.

"Bella, I see you're _finally_ up." The inflection and tone of his voice made it seem as if he had been waiting for ages or something. In reality it was closer to an hour. I knew my dad and waking up before nine in the morning, unless it was a dire emergency was not going to happen. It took him forever to get to sleep, but once he did he slept like the dead. It wasn't a common occurrence to see Charlie with a grimace over the breakfast table growing up. The man was a bear without his sleep.

"Ahh, come on dad! It's not even ten yet."

"Seven is late for you."

"Touché."

"You ready for breakfast?"

"I need to shower and then we can head out." I had no clue what had possessed me to stay in bed this late as it was, knowing that breakfast wouldn't last all day long.

Borrowing his rain boots near the front door, I ventured out into the biting cold to retrieve my bags in a long sleeved shirt and flannel pants. Needless to say I was freezing my ass off. I practically ran back inside as I trudged the bags along, even though the ice slowed my progress some. An hour later, we were on our way to the diner. The ride was no more than five minutes, but it was five minutes of an un-interrupted, yet comfortable, silence between us that I used to really take in the town and all its little changes that I'd missed until the cloak of nightfall.

Gladys' Diner was the premier Forks eatery and served all the things you'd expect from a mom and pop diner. Good old fashion American fanfare was the name of the game. I had worked there most of my adolescent years and part of my adult life during school breaks and the like. I had the menu down pat, but I had yet to recreate the magic of Miss Gladys' banana bread to this very day. I swear she put her entire kitchen sink in the batter.

The lunch rush, if it could really be called that, was just starting up. Waitresses were filling coffee mugs left and right to get a head start before the real work began as the smell of bacon wafted through the air. Going to our usual corner booth, we flopped down and waited for someone to come take our orders. At this point the walk over to the table was too much of a hassle for the waitresses. We ordered the same thing every time we came in. Even with months between my visits, they all knew my order. It had been consistent since I was about twelve. I saw no need to change what worked. _Two gravy biscuits, a side of scrambled eggs with cheese, and an orange juice._ I half expected them to just show up with our order already in hand, and show up they did. Just fifteen minutes later, Cynthia came walking towards us with a serving tray of piping hot food.

"Good afternoon Chief, we stopped serving breakfast about ten minutes ago but I pulled some strings. How's it going Bella?" she said and Dad only nodded, digging into his omelet.

"I'm pretty good Cynthia. How's your dad?"

"Thomas is just fine. He won't be much trouble this week since Alice is home."

It was funny to me that both Alice and Cynthia called their father Thomas. I had once asked Alice about it and she said she felt something for him, a sort of familial bond, which caused her to look out for him and make sure he was okay. But in the same token, she didn't really know him the way I knew my dad and they weren't very close. He was usually more concerned with drinking until he passed out than taking care of his daughters.

I always felt that had Alice's mother still been living things wouldn't have been quite as bad for them. But, after Melissa died things went wrong. Alice was only twelve at the time and suddenly she had to run an entire household and help with Cynthia who was just a toddler at the time. Plenty of nights Alice and Cynthia would bunk over at my house or Rosalie's. Once they'd spent a month at the Cullen's in the spare bedroom. It was something no one in town talked about but we all knew Thomas wasn't capable of taking care of them. The only saving grace was that Alice flat out refused to let them separate her and Cynthia.

"Alice is in town?"

"Yeah, it was a big surprise to me too. She's staying for Christmas." The girl said excitedly and I couldn't help but smile at her. Even though we'd talked about Alice plenty of times over the years, she always adopted a nonchalant attitude like she wasn't bothered by her absence. But I knew she was secretly ecstatic that her sister had come to visit. It had been years since the last time she'd come home anyway.

"That's nice." I wasn't jumping for joy over the fact that she'd be around for however a short a time but, even I was capable of thinking more along the lines of what it meant for Cynthia. Hopefully, she'd take a few days off and enjoy a home cooked meal for once and maybe get a few nice presents for Christmas.

"Yeah, listen, I'm not supposed to invite anyone else but we're having a little movie night at the Cullen's if you want to come."

"I don't think-"

"Please, please, please! Everyone wants to see you. I know Alice would love it." she pouted and I knew she was hoping against hope that it would work, but it didn't. I wasn't going anywhere near Alice or any of the rest of them if I could help it. I did not possess that kind of patience.

Cynthia was one of the few people who knew about my crush on Alice when I was younger. She used to tease me mercilessly. At eight years old, the little hellion was convinced that we were meant to be. At one time, I might even have proclaimed to be hopelessly in love with Alice. It wasn't some epiphany that happened overnight and it took me more than a day to accept the change to what I had always believed.

Imagine my surprise when I'm sitting at home crying into my pillow because my best friend blew off a phone call with me to go to some stupid party. We argued. She said I was jealous, and in a way I was. I was jealous, but for none of the reasons she though. That essentially meant I was jealous for what I considered then to be all the wrong reasons. I was hurt that she'd rather spend time with other people almost as much as I was jealous that other people got to see her every day and I was left with nothing but memories to hold me over until the next scheduled school break. Damn right I was jealous, and it scared me shitless. But, that was a long time ago when I was far more naïve. Eventually I moved on and now that I looked back on it, I knew it was for the best.

"No, I'm sorry. I can't."

"That's okay. Maybe next time?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great, I'm holding you to it. Well, I have to get back, looks like Jessica is about to blow her gasket over there." she whispered looking over her shoulder at the brunette waitress who stood with her hand on her hips, tapping her foot in a miserable attempt to intimidate her into doing her job.

"Oh and Bella? Miss Gladys said to give you this." she said turning to place a small paper bag containing wrapped slices of banana bread right next to me.

It most certainly did feel good to be back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi you guys! Thanks for the awesome reviews I totally enjoy reading all you have to say and I love that you love this story as much as I do. Good news, we've officially finished our renovations and my family and I can move back home! That means an official writing schedule. You can now expect updates by 10 p.m. EST on Fridays and Saturdays every single week. So make sure to put the story on alert so that you don't miss it. Also review. Both criticisms and praises are welcomed. Besides, how can I get better without it?**

**Hope you are well, and if not hopefully this makes it better,**

**Dilana**

_**The Great Avalanche**_

_**Alice**_

The sound of the doorbell rang out through the house, interrupting the noise caused by the rambunctious crowd that had taken over the Cullen house. All around we sat, hip to hip, curled up with blankets and pillows…even the rare stuffed animal on Cynthia's lap. Bowls of popcorn were being popped in the kitchen and everyone was clad in pajamas. We were officially ready for our movie night.

_Only one thing was missing._

"Pizza's here!" Emmett shouted from the front door.

_I stand corrected. _

My socked feet dug down deeper between the cushions of the sofa as I got comfortable. It was almost laughable that at our age we still found that some of the best times we ever had were spent sitting in front of a television pigging out and acting silly. I guess what they say is true. No matter how much you grow up, a part of you will always be a kid.

Gianna had long since gone to bed, following her Grandma Esme upstairs with a forlorn expression as if the fun was only just beginning and she was already being sent away. Carlisle hadn't come home yet and so Esme came back downstairs to join us in our festivities once Gigi had been tucked away. Luckily, we were able to talk her into making us cookies. I hadn't been able to get any that tasted even remotely like hers in New York and since I technically wasn't a Cullen the secret remained, well a secret.

We were all settled in and getting into the start of Thi3rteen Ghosts when the soft white light of Cynthia's phone casted a beam through our small space, immediately drawing everyone's attention towards it. Instead of staying, she excused herself and made her way outside to the front porch. Not even ten minutes later, door closed and Cynthia came back inside with a noticeable bounce in her step as she sported a million dollar smile.

"Hey kid, what are you up to?"

"Huh? Oh nothing. I was just scheduling to meet up with one of my friends."

"Uh huh, right."

"It's nothing, just watch the movie. Gahhh! You're so annoying."

Two hours later, everyone was still awake except for Edward who had dozed off and was now slobbering on the couch pillow as he slept. I had to resist the urge to capture the moment, reminding myself that he was probably the most exhausted of all of us. Emmett and Rosalie were cuddled together while he played in her hair and Jasper was sitting on the floor trying to decide what to watch next.

"I say we watch the Notebook. I love that movie." Rose suggested, Emmett quickly agreeing with anything that might get him laid later.

"If you have a couples movie night, then you can do that. Not tonight, next suggestion please." Cyn said rolling her eyes.

"Grown ups?" Maria asked as her soft voice travelled from her perch on Jasper's lap.

"Maybe." Edward said as I sat the movie in the maybe pile and moved on to the next selection.

"How about-," I started as the doorbell sounded off through the house, "I'll get it." Flipping on the light in the foyer, I tried to look through the peep hole, but I was too short. The doorbell rang again just as I pulled away the welcoming barrier.

There were no words to describe my feelings in that moment, but for as many as I felt you'd think that at least one word would have come to me. I'm sure I looked like a fish out of water but I could not seem to stop staring until, out of nowhere, a burning anger erupted and I almost felt the need to hit a wall or a punching bag. Something. Anything. I needed to get away from the door because in that moment I was tempted to lunge at the person standing in front of me.

The slightly taller and curvy brunette stood there with squared shoulders glaring at me like a bug under her shoe. Her clothing was respectable and tasteful, but I could tell she'd spent a fair amount to look good. She took pride in her appearance at the very least, even if she didn't look like the type that would buy my designs. She wore her hair pinned on one side and the scar on her neck from a case of chicken pox she'd had as a kid was clearly evident. She looked like a well adjusted and confident woman…and I hated it. I hated her.1

_Bella fucking Swan._

"What are you doing here?" I nearly screamed, before I calmed down a bit and tried to whisper. If I was lucky I could get her out of her with no one the wiser.

"Cynthia invited me."

"Why did you come? Do you know how many times I wanted to see you and you were too busy? Why now and not the twenty plus other times?" Honestly, I didn't give even a crescent of a fuck what she said. As far as I was concerned no answer would be good enough.

"Alice, could we not-"

"Hey, Alice did you see who it was?" Cynthia called behind me before rushing forward. I would really have to talk to this kid. For one, he acting skills sucked and for two, there were certain things you just don't do to family. Giving them heart palpitations qualifies as one of them.

"Bella?! Oh my goodness, come on in." she said feigning innocence even though Bella had already given her away. Unlike my overly perky sister who seemed to bounce down the hall with excitement, I stood there glued to that same spot. My feet had no will to move and I had to desire to make them. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to show up here after all this time. Invite or not, I didn't want to see her. Of course, my traitorous sister knew that too, but that didn't seem to hinder her from extending an invitation to that woman.

I couldn't even stand the thought of thinking of her any more, let alone saying her name. I was just getting to the point where I could actually think about the past as fond memories and not a shit ton of lies orchestrated throughout my entire childhood. I was just reaching the place where the mention of her didn't make me want to cry, punch something, or kill someone all at the same time. I couldn't breathe. I felt like my throat was closing up. I'm sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights and even though I couldn't seem to stop it, I felt like I was about to start hyperventilating at any second.

I must have been out of it longer than I thought because all I remember next was Maria grabbing my hand, with the most sympathetic smile I'd seen on her face since the day Gianna spit up all over my Chanel scarf. Leading me back to the living room, she sat me down between her and Jasper, leaving my traitorous sister on the opposite couch with that woman.

All around me, my best friends doted on her and acted as if Bella being here was nothing out of the ordinary. It was like the last several years never even happened. A part of me was happy to see her too. But, the more prominent part of me wanted to drive my stiletto through her face. I wasn't a violent person but she had somehow managed to evoke a violent response, even if it was only in my head.

"You don't call, you don't write. Then, you have the nerve to show up here out of the clear blue sky with no explanation as to why you cut us off like a rotted rope. Everybody else might forgive you Bella, but I won't. I can't. You just don't do that to your best friend. I guess in the end you always find out who your real friends are." I shouted, jumping up in her face.

"Real friends, you want to talk about real friends. You blew me off. You tossed me aside like second hand garbage. You couldn't be bothered to call and see if I was still breathing but as soon as you would come home I was expected to put on a happy face and pretend that nothing had changed, right? Especially with you. I was supposed to act like we were just best friends? That's all I ever was to you. Was I worth nothing? I'm not the one that caused this. It was you and all of them. Far be it from me to take the hint that you wanted to be left alone. I get it. You didn't need me. I can't claim to know everything, but I know when I'm not wanted. You made that very clear." She said.

"Bella we didn't mean to." Emmett said interjecting as he stepped between the two of us.

"Save it, Em. Honestly, I'm not mad at you. I forgave you a long time ago. I went through a lot when you left the first time, but even more the second time. Still, I forgave you. I'm not mad anymore. At least not with you or any of them, not really. My problem lies solely with Alice and I won't punish you for that. Alice, I came because Cynthia asked me to. I didn't come to try and pretend that things had changed between us. As far as I'm concerned, you're a selfish, spiteful liar and I'm better off without you. I'll show myself out." Bella responded, not even bothering to look ashamed or regretful.

"Why do you always have to mess everything up? Can't we just be happy for once? God, Alice!" Cynthia screamed at me.

For a moment, a part of me felt horrible for ruining this for her. But, the self-assured part of me didn't feel any remorse. It was better that she got used to disappointment now rather than later. It wasn't worth crying over. I was sorry that it caused her pain, but reality was rarely painless. For their part, my friends sat around me in stunned silence. Even Edward had woken up and was now watching me with rapt attention. None of them seemed to be able to say anything, so we just sat there. Eventually, after what seemed like a century with the dead silence that flowed between us, Jasper spoke up.

"You should go after her. That's what you're supposed to do when you fuck up. Go fix it."

Of all the things I could have asked and all the responses I could have come up with, I said nothing. I remained silent because as soon as the words left his mouth, the automatic response I wanted to give wasn't why, but how.

_How can I possibly go after both of them? _

I had already begun to factor the very same woman I despised into my life. I had already considered, at least subconsciously, what it was that could fix our broken relationship, or at least mend a part of it. It was then that I knew I'd already made my key mistake. I was allowing myself to care about Bella Swan even though I knew it wouldn't do any good. I was allowing her to be my downfall again. I was affectively orchestrating my own destruction.

_**Bella**_

I still remembered that summer night like it was yesterday. It was muggy out, the after effects of a summer rainstorm just a few hours before. All summer I had been gunning for time off, and that night I finally got it. It's a Saturday night. The local football team had just won the first game of the season the night before. Spirits were still running high and Alice and Rosalie were throwing a party. I had already made up my mind that I was going to be there, whether I had to call in sick or not. It was the last hurrah before everyone left the following Monday to begin their second year of college. I couldn't miss it. I wasn't going to college which meant I would have to sit around here again for the next few months while they were off doing whatever the hell it was I thought college kids did at the time. With no actual experience to go on, I was grasping for clues from media and books. Needless to say, college sounded like a big keg party.

I had managed to save a great deal in tips, but I just wasn't at the mark I needed to hit to go where I wanted. By that point my dream of attending UCLA, was going to remain a dream. The time off gave me an opportunity to put things into perspective and really make a decision about what was important to me. I could consider all the details of what I wanted and needed from my education as opposed to the prestige behind an acronym. Plus, I was dead set on the idea that I could always go for grad school. After careful research, I found the perfect college and I was preparing to start my application that fall for early decision. I hadn't shared the news with my friends yet. I was skeptical to do so until I had the acceptance letter in hand.

It was Jasper who picked me up that night, saying that everyone else was busy entertaining and removing all the breakable objects from the line of anyone's sight. It was one thing to have a house party while your parents were away. It was another to do so when your parents were out of town and risk your life in the process. By the time we got there, the party was in full swing. Emmett had taken up residence at the bar and was mixing nearly every kind of weird drink known to man for the people waiting in line, a punch bowl was filled to the brim with what could only be called an alcoholic pearl harbor in a bowl. Everybody added a little bit of something. I was smart enough to stay away that. Smoke was pervasive as the stoners in the corner smoked their lungs into early failure. The music was blasted. People were dancing all over one another….it was your typical college party.

It didn't take me long to fall into the rhythm of things. Nearly two hours later, I was buzzed. By four hours in, I was flat out drunk. The party ended around three in the morning. Most people left early under the pretense of going to church the following morning or leaving out to return to their own schools. Jasper and his girlfriend had been long gone, locking themselves in the guesthouse for a private evening instead of entertaining with the rest of us. Rosalie and Emmett headed up to her room, leaving the mess and Alice and I left together.

I wasn't aware of much of anything, let alone cognizant of the choices I made that night. But, I did know one thing. I wanted Alice and I wanted her bad. Maybe it was the alcohol allowing me to lose my inhibitions that really opened my eyes, but I couldn't stop staring at her the entire ride home. She walked me to my apartment and made sure I was safely inside just like she always had. But, this time I kissed her. I don't know why, but I did. She didn't push me away. Not at first anyway. She kissed me back and for a moment I felt so much love for her, I thought I would combust.

Then just like that she pushed me away. She said she didn't want to hurt me. She told me she didn't want to take advantage of me or our friendship. She said she was doing was best for both of us and she loved me. She was going to leave me. But I wouldn't let her. I appreciated the fact that she was so noble about it all, but to be honest in that moment all I wanted was for her to have her way with me in all the many ways I knew she could, ways I had yet to discover. I wanted her to be my first.

So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I told her outright like it was a matter of life or death. At that point the ball was in her court. The decision was one I was sure was not made lightly at the time, although looking back on it I can see it for what it was. Alice was placating me. But, that night I had the most hurtful, awful, wonderful, beautiful experience of my pain of it all was something I never wanted to relive but Alice took care of me and she made sure to take her time. It was gentle and filled with soft touches. It was awkward, at least on my part but it wasn't a horrible thing. I knew it was a night I could never forget no matter how drunk I was or how hung-over I'd be the next day. I didn't regret it, but I certainly wished I had better prepared myself for the reality of what would inevitably follow that night.

Now as I sat in my car, head resting on the steering wheel, that night was the only one I could remember that didn't make me want to kill Alice Brandon. In truth, I owed my journey of self-discovery to her and the events that took place on that muggy summer night, because had I never realized what it meant to be so deeply in love with someone I wouldn't know what it feels like to so irrevocably hurt by anyone. I owed who I was today to her, and all the destruction she left in her wake. What we did that night was an act. A physical manifestation of something I didn't know I felt for the girl was always "just my best friend". It was visceral and tangible in a sense. But it was also quickly forgotten and moved on from. It was a fact of life. You're a virgin until you're not. It was something that couldn't be reversed, even when I didn't want to face the truth of what I'd refused to admit to myself, the reality of what I had always known deep down. I was in love with Alice.


	4. Chapter 4

**First of all, I am sooooo glad you guys are liking this story. Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and alerts. You guys make my day, no joke! I can't even believe the willpower it took to type this chapter. I started a new workout and I come home drained like literally everyday. But, I'm seeing results. Anyway, I owe you another tomorrow. So, I hope you enjoy this one as much as all the rest if not more.**

**Dilana**

_**False Pretenses**_

_**Alice**_

The hush of early morning had stilled over Forks. Like most sleepy towns in the midst of winter all that could be heard were the sounds of early morning commuters as they drove down the wet, snow slicked streets. The rays of sunshine flooding through my window did little to illuminate the room or provide me with the incentive to get out bed the way it would have had I been back home in my own bedroom. Next to me, my cell phone lay on the pillow vibrating as the usual morning alarm went off and the screen lit. Ignoring it, I slid deeper under my covers so as to avoid facing the world.

I hadn't been in bed very long. I spent most of the night sketching and running through ideas while sleep lingered just outside of my grasp. Eventually, I lay down only to find that sleep would not come as easily as I had hoped, even though I had done my best to mentally exhaust myself. So, instead, I just lay there and listened to the sounds of the random person's car passing through and teenagers too drunk to go home to their parents. And it was here I would stay until I was convinced that I could handle what was going to happen today.

Today I would have to face Bella. We couldn't keep skirting around what happened between us nor could we chop it up to a spur of the moment occurrence. At least I knew I couldn't pretend like I hadn't felt anything when she yelled at me. I couldn't lie and say it didn't hurt to watch her cry, and I damn sure couldn't lie and say I didn't want to fix what happened between us. I wanted to be in Bella's life more than I think either of us could truly fathom. But, I was conflicted all at the same time.

The Bella I knew was a different girl. She wasn't as pessimistic and cynical about everything for one. But, she also didn't have the same look in her eyes that this Bella had. Where there used to be light, there was now nothing but a void of darkness. It wasn't zombie like or the way they describe those girls who are heartbroken. It was just like there were no emotions at all. She wasn't happy, she wasn't hurt. She was just there, living a virtually content life in some sort of grey area. It was like it didn't bother her at all. All of it hurt to see and know that I played at least a small part in. I was still kicking myself over it and I probably would be for the rest of all time.

But in that moment, we were standing face to face, just inches apart and I couldn't stop myself. Every red flag was going up and telling me not to do it. My body was screaming at me not to give in but I allowed myself to yell back and be angry. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel worse than I did because I wasn't supposed to feel anything. She wasn't supposed to matter to me anymore.

The entire time a part of me stayed grounded in the fact that she could push me away and never speak to me again. But she didn't push me away. She let me yell and she yelled back. It was like she wanted me to fight her. I'd never known Bella to even entertain an argument when she didn't really care about someone. It went in one ear and out of the other like water off her back. Yet, there she stood, arguing with me. All that told me was, despite what she was saying or what I wish she felt. She did not hate me. She still cared, no matter how much I didn't want her to. At least if she hated me, I'd have a stronger reason to stay away, a firmer resolve.

Now, I was more confused than ever. As much as I had longed for the days when I'd get to be the one who she'd fight with and fight for, I now wished it had never happened. I had reached the point of no return. There was no turning back and no backing down. We had to face this or I'd never rest.

Pulling back the covers, I got out of bed and headed towards the shower. As I was standing underneath the constant stream of water, I attempted to build my resolve and gain the courage to approach the woman who had been occupying my mind for the last two days. Nothing I did seemed to make it any better though. I couldn't find the courage not to fall into her arms like some love sick puppy and profess my love for her. Everything I thought about and every scenario I played in my head turned out like a romantic lesbian psychodrama. That's not what I wanted. I wanted real.

Life is not a fairytale. I've never met anyone whose life unfolded like something from an oral tradition, or a cracked up Disney movie. No one has ever had a romance that resolved all of their hardships. There hasn't been one couple who didn't have to work HARD to master a challenge. I've never met anyone with unshakable self-esteem. I've never met a couple whose relationship was suddenly and forever void of struggle because they exchanged some half-assed profession of love after a night of drunken commiserating. I didn't have a need to be wanted, but I needed this to be real.

Being "wanted" is an incredible feeling, but life moves in waves and tides. I had long since learned that usually the person we count on to make us feel loved is going to get busy. Life would eventually require her to put her attention elsewhere… even for a time… and what then? So this couldn't be all about being wanted. If I had only aspired to be wanted by Bella I wouldn't be here right now. Instead I'd be in her room with her showing her all the many ways in which I was made to love her. But, I needed more.

I needed to be necessary, to be of as much importance as air to breathe. I wanted to be so important that we had to be together or the world would crumble to little pieces from the absence of the profound love we felt. I wanted the reassurance that in the heat of the moment, I could hate her as much as I hated ugly Christmas sweaters and it wouldn't spell out the end for us. I wanted to know that she was there for me even if she couldn't be there for me. I wanted it all. The fights, the struggles, the happiness…all of it. But most of all, I wanted it to be real because all I had right now was a dream. The worse thing about dreams was that more often than not, they fade away.

_**Bella**_

Here I was, standing in the door of my former bedroom, looking much the same as I always had but still inexplicably different. Not much about me had changed in the last ten years with the exception of a few dark circles under my eyes that spoke to sleepless nights and undue stress. Downstairs, my father could be heard jumbling around in the kitchen as the smell of blueberries wafted through the house. Although I knew the morsels of deliciousness awaited downstairs, I did not move.

I just lay there thinking of excuses to get me the hell out of here before Alice took the initiative to show up and make me talk to her. One the one hand, I felt I still had so much to say. But on the other, there weren't enough words to describe what I felt. It made no sense to me that someone who no longer had a presence in my life could come in and cause this much disturbance.

After they all left, for a while everything was good. I'd find time to call or email them between shifts and they'd do the same between classes and the loads of homework they'd put off until the very last minute. But we fell apart, as most people are wont to do. Now, they were all back and we made nice when we saw each other. After all, every year I still received an annual Christmas card for the Cullens and the Hales. Alice would send some clippings of their news stories for my scrapbook and the random thinking of you gifts she'd find during her travels. I was knew where they were and I wanted nothing to do with them.

So why in the hell did I argue with her? Why did I do something so incredibly stupid? It wasn't like we were in a relationship or even fucking each other's brains out or some crap like that. We were arguing, shouting at each other and all I could think about was kissing her. All I could remember as her arms flailed all over the place was how hot she looked and how much I missed her.

_I actually thought I missed her._

And so yeah, maybe I did miss her. But when did feelings for people ever go away? Never. No one who has ever truly loved someone can say they don't care for them in some form or fashion. That's just a given. But I did not want to miss Alice because I didn't want to admit that she meant anything to me, ever. I did not want to feel the same emptiness I felt when my best friend left me years ago. Of course the emptiness only grew when I realized just how deeply I loved her.

My whole life I had a plan. A very well thought out, meticulously calculated plan. I'd get through school, go on to college, graduate, get a job, get married to the perfect man, and have a great life together. Nowhere in there did I account for what happened. College got delayed for two years, I realized I was a lesbian…which really shouldn't have been all that much of a shock, looking back on it. My lack of boyfriends for one, and general disinterest in the male gender for another were pretty big giveaways.

Needless to say, even after the sexual aspect was confirmed, it took a while to come to terms with who I was and realizing that it hadn't changed what I wanted from life or how my life would eventually pan out. I could still have everything I wanted, it was only the person who would be next to me when it happened that changed.

Still, I didn't share that information with anyone until after I graduated college. My dad nearly had a heart attack and my mom seemed okay with it, which was great. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news but it wasn't changing anytime soon so they needed to get on board with that reality.

Once I was perfectly fine with sharing my sexuality, I started to date and I even held down the random relationship here and there. The sex was great, the women were nice with a few exceptions, but they just lacked something. I held unfair expectations for all of them. I kept searching for the feeling of complete togetherness that I'd had with Alice and all of them felt short. Alice Brandon had always been my standard. So naturally, the moment I faced the woman I measured every other one against, I messed it up and did something stupid.

Grabbing my pillow, I pressed it to my face stifling my screams. If I was really going to deal with this, I needed to have a clear head and a drink. Sadly, it was Sunday so drinking was out. It's just bad taste to drink on a religious day I'm supposed to observe…even though I'm not actually a religious person. But then the thought came to me.

_I may not be religious, but Alice is._

Actually, I didn't know if religious was the right term for it. Either way I was milking it. In essence, that meant I had at least an hour of brought time. There was no way she'd miss church today, the day before Christmas. If there was some form of higher being, the Powers that Be would make certain she was in someone's church tonight as well. Sighing in relief, I felt myself relaxing slightly as the tension in the back of my neck ebbed a little, providing temporary comfort.

Just when I was about to be brave and go downstairs, my phone rang. The number was one I hadn't seen before and the familiar chime of the phone sounded off, reminding me that I couldn't continue to stare at it like some sort of unidentified object for much longer. Taking a deep breath, I slid my finger across the screen and pressed it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Bella, oh thank God. I thought I had the wrong number."

"It's me, Alice. What's up?"

"What's up is we need to talk."

"Could we not and say we did."

"Yeah…no. It's doesn't work like that."

"You wanna come over?"

"Ummm, no. I don't think that's a good idea right now. I don't want to argue."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

I refused to say anything else. If Alice wanted to talk she could but I had nothing left to say to her and even if I had, she'd only try and make everything seem like it was my fault all over again. I was not falling for that again.. Needless to say, I expected this to be the world's shortest conversation.

"So um, I guess I'm sorry about the other night."

"You guess?"

"Annnyway, I just…I wanted to talk to you. I miss you Iz…and I wanted to apologize for the other night. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

"Don't call me that. I am not your friend Alice so the last thing you owe me is an apology. I don't want to hear it. Save us both the time and spare me the dramatics. I'm just here to keep my word and go home.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry, okay. Can we just go back to our individual lives? We aren't friends anymore. You've officially made that abundantly clear. Okay, I get it. Let's just finish this conversation and I'll let you go. Then we can both forget that this ever happened."

"Alice, I didn't mean to—"

"Don't Bella, just…don't.

"I mean I don't know what to say." I was confused about how I ended up being the one to apologize to her, but I felt the need to do so and it sickened me. I didn't owe anybody any explanations, especially not her.

"Then just don't bother to say anything."

Again the silence crept in, only this time for a much shorter interval. I had unintentionally fueled Alice's fire and gave her something to argue about. I was torn between apologizing and hanging up and leaving things to fall wherever they may. I didn't have the time, patience, or energy to continue this push and pull, tug-of- war with her. I just couldn't do it.

"Are you always this catty?" she sighed.

"Are you always this clueless?"

"I was right. I didn't need to come over. We're doing a great job of arguing right now! It's fine. Whatever….just whatever I did to you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You were my best friend."

"And that's the part that hurt the most. That's all I ever was. But you know what, how about we end this once and for all?"

" Yeah that'll be best." She mumbled, sounding unsure and yet resolved.

"You are nothing to me. I am nothing to you. If you see me, feel free not to part your lips to utter a word in my direction. We had a great friendship when we had that, and I am grateful for your part in my life, Alice really. But I want nothing to do with you. I don't need you and I don't want you. You're nothing more than a memory for me, good and bad, but I want it…no I need it to stay that way."

It hurt me to pretend that this thing between us, whatever it was, was irrelevant and I felt my chest tightening as I dismissed Alice's entire existence as if she was nothing to me. But what could I do? She was not safe. She was my fatal flaw and even though some people would offer their heads on a platter for supposed love, I was not one of those people. Not anymore. It hurt me to push her away, but it was something I had to do. For both of our sakes.

"I'm sorry." I almost screamed. Damn her and her conscience for having the audacity to be apologetic. At least when she put on her asshole façade it was easy to hate her. Now, I had nothing to go on but sheer willpower.

"Yeah, me too. I have to go. Take care of yourself."

I missed the whispered goodbye and the choking back of tears because I'd already hung up. Laying there in my bed, I cried for Alice one last time, torn between wanting to push her away and wanting to hold her close. When I finally left my room, I slammed the door. It was the slam that reverberated through my mind that entire day. I slammed the door on my past, leaving it behind on my tear stained pillow and choked back sobs. I closed, no, slammed the door on Alice. I slammed the door and now that the door was closed, there was no going back.


End file.
